The Grace in Gathering, 3.26.25

 

The last picture we have of everyone in our family together. June 2015

Recently, I started reading The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker because, to be honest, hosting stresses me out. When I taught yoga in my home, it was a bit easier—everyone was there with a shared purpose. But I still worried about anyone not feeling at home and not having the experience they expected. Family and friend gatherings are a whole other ball of wax. I find myself overthinking everything and sometimes just decide not to do it at all.

I didn’t inherit the “Super Hostess” gene from my mom (who is one of the best!). The only gatherings where I truly feel at ease are with close family, but mostly my kids and grandkids. I know them, they know me, and there’s no awkward tension to navigate. With all the changes in our family over the years, I’ve become hyper-aware of the dynamics in a room. When people other than our usual brood are included in the mix, my brain immediately jumps to worst-case (and often irrational) scenarios, and then anxiety sets in.

As the only living parent of my grown children, nearly all my gatherings center around them. My priority is creating a space where they feel completely at ease. This is especially important because one of my grandchildren experiences extreme anxiety around large gatherings, loud noises, and unfamiliar faces. I will always consider his needs as a top priority because, again, I want my home to be a safe space. My instincts take over, and all I want to do is protect them, which means some people may be left out. 

My husband often says, “I just want everyone to get along.” And while I wish it were that simple, family dynamics are sometimes complex. Without deep conversations, misunderstandings are inevitable. I worry about hurting feelings or being misunderstood, but at the end of the day, my goal is to make my home a place of peace for the people who need it most. 

In the end, people gather for so many different ways, for different reasons, and with different guest lists. In any case, I try to remind myself of something my principal often says: Always assume the best. And maybe that’s what gathering is about—not just in hosting, but also in understanding. Whether we’re the host, the included, or the excluded- offering grace is what makes all the difference in keeping friends and families together, and most of all, in harmony with each other. 

I'd love to know your thoughts on this subject. Do you also struggle with gathering? I'm coming to the conclusion that balancing everything involved in gathering is, truly, an art.

Always assume the best. 

Be good. Do good. ~ Juli


Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 23, 2025 at 10:34 PM

    Yes, I find more often than ever big loud group gatherings overwhelm me. I prefer one-on-one visits, less noise, better connections…

    ReplyDelete

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